Tales Of The Salamander
by Devil Wolf Girl
Summary: A Fairy Tail collection of oneshots centered around Natsu! Some may be happy, some may be sad. Read and find out. Requests are welcomed
1. Deploy The MEEEN

**Deploy The Meeeeen!**

 **Disclaimer ~ I do not own Fairy Tail**

 ***The REAL way Fairy Tail beat Zeref's army***

Nobody knew how Natsu got the idea. Or how he found the potion (they suspected he stole it) in the first place. All they do know is that the idea was just plain crazy and terrifying.

"No way am I going through that again!" Lucy exclaimed shaking her head furiously. Behind her, the majority of the guild were in similar states of refusal.

"But Luce," Natsu whined, "We would win for sure. Zeref would be too terrified to come near us again."

It truly was a genius plan. But the problem lied in convincing everyone to agree to it.

"No means no! Besides, have you even thought this through? If we lose even one of the infected it would spread to everyone in Fiore!" Lucy exclaimed.

"I know. I was going to have Freed use his rune magic to prevent any of the infected from leaving the battle. Like when we were at the fantasia parade. Then after we won we could use the flying boat from Blue Pegasus to spray everyone with the antidote and turn them back to normal. It's a surefire plan," Natsu explained. Ignoring Gray's whisper of "I can't believe flame brain thought this through," Erza stepped forward.

"Natsu. This is a great plan but-," she was interrupted by Gajeel.

"I'll do it," he volunteered. Shocked gasps rang from out. Nobody could tell whether it was because he volunteered to be infected or because he interrupted Erza.

"I-if Gajeel is going to do it then I will too," Levy said standing beside the Iron Slayer. Gajeel shot her a small barely noticeable smile.

"Great! Anybody else? I think we would need at least ten so we can also infect Zeref's army," Natsu said. Jet and Droy looked at each other before stepping forward as well.

"If Levy's going so are we," they declared together.

"I-I'll go a-as well," Laki declared. This set off a chain of events that spurred the rest of the members to join as well. Soon only a handful of them remained.

"We will only join if Asuka stays here," Bisca finally agreed. Natsu nodded to them. Then he turned to Erza, Lucy, and Gray. The only ones who haven't agreed.

"I will not subject myself to that horror again!" Erza exclaimed glaring. Gray and Lucy nodded from behind her. Natsu sighed.

"Erza. I didn't want it to come to this…. If you join I'll buy you strawberry cheesecakes for a month," Natsu offered. Erza was silent. Her face shadowed by her hair as she stared at the ground. Finally she looked up.

"Two months and you have a deal," she said. Natsu agreed and Erza joined his side. Lucy gulped. They had won over Erza.

"We will join on one condition Flame Brain," Gray suddenly spoke up, earning a squeak of fear from Lucy.

"What is it?" Natsu asked.

"We stay on the ship and drop the antidote," Gray bargained. Lucy let out a sigh of relief. That she could handle. Natsu agreed and everyone prepared for battle.

 **~~~Line Break ~~~**

"What do you mean! You'll need our help to fight Zeref!" Lyon exclaimed to Gray who shook his head.

"We are not going to fight him," Gray replied. It was his job to tell everyone that they should just stay away from the battle. Why? Because he had to get the flying boat anyway so he might as well have to do this as well.

"What the hell are you talking about! After all he's done you are just going to negotiate with him!" Lyon screamed at Gray until Jura put a hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down and let him explain. There must be a good reason for this," Jura stated. Lyon took a deep breath.

"Explain then," he growled out. Gray surveyed the rest of the people in the room. Lamia Scale. Sabertooth. Crime Sorciere. Mermaid's Heel. Blue Pegasus. Everybody who had fought along with them so far were gathered here.

"We … don't really intend to negotiate either," Gray started. Everyone kept quiet, wondering where this was going. Gray waited a second before continuing, "Fairy Tail has a appreciate your help and all but it's so outrageous and terrifying that we don't want you to be a part of it."

"Tell us the plan then. If it is so 'terrifying' as you say then we should have a right to know it at least!" Chelia from Lamia Scale called out. Gray remembered she was a friend of Wendy's. Looking at everyone's faces Gray knew he couldn't escape without an explanation. He steeled himself and spoke only two words.

Suddenly everyone was glad they were not apart of this crazed plan. All but one, but he was quickly knocked out by Jura.

 **~~~Line Break~~~**

It was finally time for Fairy Tail to start their plan. Zeref and his army would be within the runes Freed had drew around the battlefield any minute now. Everyone on the frontlines had a small vial with the potion in it that they would drink when Natsu gave the signal. It was decided they would give Zeref a fair chance to retreat before they unleashed hell on him.

"He's here!" Happy shouted from above them. Natsu stood in the middle of the battlefield. Fairy Tail behind him. They did nothing as Zeref drew closer, his army following right behind him faithfully.

"This is your only chance to give up Zeref. If you leave Fiore alone we will spare you," Natsu said after the whole army made it past the runes. This was it. The moment of truth.

"I'm afraid that simply is not possible," Zeref stated calmly. Natsu looked saddened.

"Then I'm afraid I have no choice," he said looking up. Turning around quickly Natsu gave the signal. "DEPLOY THE MEEEEN!"

One by one the members of Fairy Tail downed the vials. The results were immediate.

Cries of "Meeen" and "Sniff Sniff" rang out from behind Natsu as everyone became infected with the Pretty Boy Parfume. More commonly called the Ichiya Virus.

Not a single person in Zeref's army knew how to react to the Ichiyafied people shuffling towards them slowly. The previously normal Happy was the first to infect a member of the army. Flying over into the group Ichiya-Happy looked right in the eyes of the mage in front of him.

"Sniff Sniff," Ichiya-Happy said sniffing the confused member before him. There was a moment of silence before the Virus spread to the guy and the became a member of the infected.

"Meeen!"

What followed afterwards could only be called carnage. Most of Zeref's army quickly became panicked and tried to back away from the Ichiya-Happy and their turned comrade. Their horror was so powerful that they even forgot that they could use magic.

While they had been trying to avoid the exceed they had completely forgotten the other members of Fairy Tail that had been turned. Now they quickly came shambling towards the soldiers, latching on to whichever poor unfortunate soul was closest and dragging them down before infecting them. With the sudden onslaught the virus spread rapidly to the now terrified army.

"W-what is this? I've never seen something so utterly…." Zeref trailed off, at a loss of words. He and Natsu had been ignored by the army thus far and they didn't seem interested in the two of them yet.

"I warned you. It's not too late to surrender and end this. Most of your army has been infected and those that haven't have already fled. You can end this by swearing never to set foot in Fiore again," Natsu said, watching Zeref closely. There was a moment of silence between the two. The only noise around them were the infected lumbering around.

"I-" Zeref was cut off. A huge roar and the sound of beating wings drew their attention to the sky where Acnologia was rapidly approaching.

It might have been pure coincidence or a stroke of luck, but as the dragon approached the infected turned towards him.

"Sniff Sniff. Meeeen," they cried as one. Acnologia didn't waste any time after that. He turned around and flew away as fast as he could.

The 'battle' ended fairly quickly after that. Zeref swore to never come near Fiore again, and while the couldn't promise his men wouldn't, he figured they wouldn't want to chance becoming an Ichiya Zombie again. Gray and Lucy cheered from their place on the flying ship of Blue Pegasus before they got to work spraying everyone with the antidote. Which was really just a deodorizer spray. It took less than ten minutes to return everyone to their normal selves. Some were just plain horrified (Zeref's army), some were just plain happy (Natsu, Gajeel, and Happy), while everyone else was a mixture of both.

Safe to say, nobody has seen Zeref or Acnologia since that day.

 **Yes this is a reposting. Like I said, it's easier to have all the oneshots on one story, even if I have already posted it. The new stories will begin on the next chapter!**

 **Please Review! Requests are welcomed!**


	2. Memories From Forever Ago

**Memories From Forever Ago**

 **Disclaimer ~ I do not own Fairy Tail**

 ***The one where Natsu remembers things about his past***

It started with Levy. The bluenette was ecstatic about her newest book that she had to show it off to her guild mates. Natsu was content to ignore her chattering to Lucy, and the rest of his team by extension, instead happily munching on his dinner.

"Yeah! I'm super excited to start reading it! It was written several hundred years ago and is super rare. I just wish I knew what the title said," Levy pouted to Lucy, showing her the cover of the leather bound book. Natsu glanced over out of curiosity, hoping there was some cool picture on the cover, however upon seeing the book itself he froze, an action that didn't go unnoticed by Gray.

"Hey flame brain! What's the matter? Scared she's gonna force you to read it?" Gray's condescending tone carefully hid the slight worry he felt for his friend.

"I know that book," Natsu whispered stunned. That certainly wasn't the answer anyone was expecting and soon the entire guild was focused on Natsu's group.

"Really?" Levy asked in surprise. Natsu simply nodded. He reached a slow hand forward and silently asked permission to hold the book, which Levy easily handed over.

"Yeah," Natsu's voice was softer than anyone had ever heard it before and his face was furrowed in concentration. "It was my favorite book. Nii-san always used to read it to me," Natsu's simple statement caused the guild to suddenly erupt in noise.

"You have a brother?!" was the most commonly shouted question amongst them. Natsu shook his head furiously, as if to clear it, before handing the book back to Levy.

"You couldn't tell we were related at first glance. He took after our...mom I think. I don't really remember that much," Natsu seemed to stare through the wall as he spoke, "But every night I used to make him read that book to me. It had to be nii-san that read it otherwise I'd throw a fit. I think it was because I didn't get to spend that much time with him after he started school. He always indulged me though. If I asked to hear him read the book he'd pull it out and continue from wherever it was we stopped. He must have read it to me hundreds of times," Natsu was smiling at the end of his story.

"What happened to him?" Lucy asked curiously. Everyone in the guild leaned forward, eagerly awaiting the answer.

"I don't know," Natsu shrugged.

"Did he go missing?"

"I don't know."

"Was he kidnapped?"

"I don't know."

"What do you know about what happened?" Erza was the one to ask that particular question. Natsu went back to staring at the wall and it was a few minutes before he spoke up again.

"I got really sick one day. It was some disease that struck our village and had a low survival rate. Last thing I remembered was nii-san sitting beside me and reading me that book. After that it's all blank. Then I woke up in the woods where Igneel found me," his answer left everyone with more questions but anyone with half a brain knew it was best not to ask them.

"You'll find him again. And we'll help you," Gray's simple comment sent everyone into a cheer of "Aye Sir!" as they agreed with him. Natsu couldn't help but give them a wide smile. In a typical Fairy Tail fashion, the drinks were brought out and a party began.

"Oh! Natsu, if you've read this book do you know what the title is?" Levy asked a few hours later, when the party had gotten into the brawling stage. Natsu ducked a flying table and looked towards her.

"Etherious!" Natsu called over his shoulder before rejoining the brawl. All was right in Fairy Tail.

 **It's actually been a long time since I've thought about writing a Fairy Tail fic. I hope you guys enjoyed it!**

 **A friend of mine (Devil Snake Boy) and I are thinking about working on a new fic together. The seven dragon slayers are sent back in time. We haven't actually started writing it but we have a general direction of where it's heading. Ooh boy the chaos will be unleashed soon enough.**

 **Anyway! Hope you all liked this chapter! Please leave a review if you did! I am taking requests so if there's any oneshot you want me to try feel free to tell me and I'll add it to the list.**

 **See you guys next chapter!**


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